Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
