The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
