He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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