Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
