why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
