someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
