your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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