): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
