no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
