Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is wine microwaveable?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
