Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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