he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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