I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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