Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize