Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
