PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
