I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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