I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's just like the Real World with babies
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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