i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
