Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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