I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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