Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
