when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
