dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
