hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
