she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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