Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
