i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My life is pants optional.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
