I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
