Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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