Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
