So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
