false alarm. still invincible.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She told me I should be a condom model.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
