I hate your face
I think I died a long time ago.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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