let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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