Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
