please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
