He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
