My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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