Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
