In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
