Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
