I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
