I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
