Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
