so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
