some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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