You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
