Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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