My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
