You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
