you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
BRING THE BAGELS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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