DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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