we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
