if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
