You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
