I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
