I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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