I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
