I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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