I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
