Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize