I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
