We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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