My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize