Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
