so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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