Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
