life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
